She woke up nauseous again. With blood quickly running to her cheeks and a pounding sensation in her head, she ran to the bathroom. Bile mixed with streams of blood spewed from her mouth without relent. Finally, there was nothing left in her but the heavy heaves that shook her body. As she collasped against the bathroom wall, she thought of how much her life had changed.Clicking heels along the marble floor and cell phones ringing nonstop used to be the music she listened to. Sleek black dresses and cocktail parties were nightly affairs. As a high-powered attorney at the best firm in town, she had an image to live up to. She not only the watchful eye of the public’s but also her own high expectations to live up to. She thought she was living the dream, her dream, that is. She had the perfect job, car, and husband. Not to mention, a fabulous reputation in the courtroom. The “Mysterious Slugger” as she was known, always hit home on a confession without the witness knowing what hit him. Life was going better than planned. Nothing seemed like it could go wrong. Nothing, that is, until the accident.
Her marriage was wonderful, filled with love and infinate communication. But having a baby? No, it was not the right time for them. With careers in full swing, a child seemed to spoil the plan. She did not even discuss it with her husband. With an appointment made for her lunch hour, she would be in and out in no time. Problem fixed. The day came later that week. She walked into the clinic, hastily signed all the papers and awaited treatment. “Relax; you will only feel a little pressure.” The nurse assured her. Suddenly, loud beeping started going off. Nurses and doctors raced in. All she could see was blood.
She opened her eyes. Trying to get her bearings, she realized she was in the hospital. Her husband was sitting in a chair beside her. Fumbling for the right words, her husband took her hand and sqeezed it tightly. With tears in his eyes, he told her there would be no more children. She would never conceive again. The baby inside her was bigger than they thought and kicked as they pulled him out of her causing severe damage. Yes, it was a baby boy. A little boy that she would never see throw a baseball, chase a puppy, or hold in her arms. Suddenly, the courtroom seemed silly. Highheels and cellphones faded away. Her life now had a gloomy cloud of meaninglessness hanging over it. Trying to digest the effect of her actions was too much. Not only was she barren, but the damage done to her body was unreversable. She would face severe pain everyday. Depression would be her new battle but she would not win this case. Bloody memories would plague her dreams and guilt would drive her to bed-ridden remorse. And the worst part, these things would never leave her. No matter how many times her husband forgave her, she could not forgive herself. Every time she looked into the mirror she saw the sadness in her eyes and the emptiness in her smile.
That ten-second decision changed her life. Instead of dealing with a “problem” she bore more pain than any mother should have to bear. She gave up her job, shortly afterwards. Taking all her savings and pouring it into a new clinic. The clinic was not like the one she walked into a few years before. It was a place that offered different solutions to unplanned pregnancies. She now poured her life out to young women like she once was. She offered them hope. She shared her story and changed lives. Many babies were born in her clinic giving her a joy that she had once lost. Love grew each day and so did the meaning of her life. Nightly episodes of nausea stilled plagued her and nothing could fill the emptiness of losing her child. But loving each mother that walked through her doors and witnessing so many miracles helped dull her pain a little bit more each day. Looking back on the last five years she sees how God used her. She sees how he shook her to wake her up and see the better plan He had for her life. Sometimes God is the “Mysterious Slugger”, making us tell the truth without knowing we could.
October 27, 2008 at 7:30 pm |
superb.
October 28, 2008 at 3:29 am |
Thank you, Hank!