Letter To My Mother on Mother’s Day

Maman,
I love you intensely. Mom, you shadow my day… allowing sunshine and shade when and wherever needed. Sometimes when I think of you, I am moved to a smile or to tears: You have loved me in the way no one could ever love me, and you have done it consistantly. You have been a Proverbs 31 woman. I have been sudying what this woman should look like and yet you have been modeling it for me day by day, year by year. Not many daughters can say, unashamed, that their mom is the best… Mom, I can say that with a steady voice and heart overflowing with joy. I have not always shown you that I love you, and I have taken you for granted so many times… for that I am so sorry.
I have come to the point in my life where I am trying to figure out who I am. With my “10-steps ahead” thinking, I have come to ask myself a pertinent question recently; how do I want to be remembered? The simple and firm answer is: I want to be remembered as a Godly woman. That is the most important quest that I will beset out upon. In being a Godly woman, I want to be a Godly, supportive, selfless wife. I want to love my husband fiercly. I desire to model what a Godly woman looks like through my future marriage. Once, I have lived through a bit of marriage, when the Lord wills it, I desire to have healthy children. I want to learn how to love each one of my children differently but equally. The best example I have had to look at is you… You have loved each of us, individually, with our flaws and nuances. You have also loved dad fiercly, never giving up on him, praying for him, and pleading for him. Most importantly, you have loved the Lord magnificently. You spend your time studying, teaching, praying, loving, and showing Christ to me and others around you. You rarely bring attention to these things… but don’t doubt for a second that I don’t see what a precious jewel you are. You are the pearl of great cost. I too, desire to be that, one day.
Mom, you have been there for me every single time I needed you. You have answered countless 2 am phonecalls, welcomed a puppy and kitten into your house because you knew I needed them, sat in the Trinity parking lot with me twice, and held me while I cried buckets of tears. You have rejoiced with me in my achievements, driven thousands of miles to see me dance, and loved me even when I was not nice to you. You have let me go through phases in life, laughing along with me as I come out of them, and you have never missed giving me a hug. I wish I could say that those days are over, but they aren’t… I still will need you to answer the phone at 2 am, I still need my dog and cat, and I am sure we will be revisiting the Trinity parking lot many more times. (Not to mention, a few more hundred good cry sessions.)
Maman… I love you intensely. I love you, and I still need you.
Your only Daughter,
McKinley

Revealing Truth unto Us

The Lord has shown his people from the ancient of times, “The virgin will conceive, have a son, and name him Immanuel” (Isa. 7:14), this only points and proves the validity of His Word. The consistent revealing of  Truth… wise eternal Truth.

O lord,

You have made yourself so clear to all humanity. You have given us Truth time after time. You give this to us so that we might hear and be set free of our burdens. Rather than listening, we cling to our chains instead of the cross, unwilling to follow your Truth. Help me, Lord, to give up my shackles and fall helplessly at your feet in complete freedom. Help me up and heal my wounds that this world has to gleefully given to me. Restore me, so that I might proclaim your name forever.  Amen.

A Case Out of Her Hands

She woke up nauseous again. With blood quickly running to her cheeks and a pounding sensation in her head, she ran to the bathroom. Bile mixed with streams of blood spewed from her mouth without relent. Finally, there was nothing left in her but the heavy heaves that shook her body. As she collasped against the bathroom wall, she thought of how much her life had changed.

Clicking heels along the marble floor and cell phones ringing nonstop used to be the music she listened to. Sleek black dresses and cocktail parties were nightly affairs. As a high-powered attorney at the best firm in town, she had an image to live up to. She not only the watchful eye of the public’s but also her own high expectations to live up to. She thought she was living the dream, her dream, that is. She had the perfect job, car, and husband. Not to mention, a fabulous reputation in the courtroom. The “Mysterious Slugger” as she was known, always hit home on a confession without the witness knowing what hit him. Life was going better than planned. Nothing seemed like it could go wrong. Nothing, that is, until the accident.

Her marriage was wonderful, filled with love and infinate communication. But having a baby? No, it was not the right time for them. With careers in full swing, a child seemed to spoil the plan. She did not even discuss it with her husband. With an appointment made for her lunch hour, she would be in and out in no time. Problem fixed. The day came later that week. She walked into the clinic, hastily signed all the papers and awaited treatment. “Relax; you will only feel a little pressure.” The nurse assured her. Suddenly, loud beeping started going off. Nurses and doctors raced in. All she could see was blood.

She opened her eyes. Trying to get her bearings, she realized she was in the hospital. Her husband was sitting in a chair beside her. Fumbling for the right words, her husband took her hand and sqeezed it tightly. With tears in his eyes, he told her there would be no more children. She would never conceive again. The baby inside her was bigger than they thought and kicked as they pulled him out of her causing severe damage. Yes, it was a baby boy. A little boy that she would never see throw a baseball, chase a puppy, or hold in her arms. Suddenly, the courtroom seemed silly. Highheels and cellphones faded away. Her life now had a gloomy cloud of meaninglessness hanging over it. Trying to digest the effect of her actions was too much. Not only was she barren, but the damage done to her body was unreversable. She would face severe pain everyday. Depression would be her new battle but she would not win this case. Bloody memories would plague her dreams and guilt would drive her to bed-ridden remorse. And the worst part, these things would never leave her. No matter how many times her husband forgave her, she could not forgive herself. Every time she looked into the mirror she saw the sadness in her eyes and the emptiness in her smile.

That ten-second decision changed her life. Instead of dealing with a “problem” she bore more pain than any mother should have to bear. She gave up her job, shortly afterwards. Taking all her savings and pouring it into a new clinic. The clinic was not like the one she walked into a few years before. It was a place that offered different solutions to unplanned pregnancies. She now poured her life out to young women like she once was. She offered them hope. She shared her story and changed lives. Many babies were born in her clinic giving her a joy that she had once lost. Love grew each day and so did the meaning of her life. Nightly episodes of nausea stilled plagued her and nothing could fill the emptiness of losing her child. But loving each mother that walked through her doors and witnessing so many miracles helped dull her pain a little bit more each day. Looking back on the last five years she sees how God used her. She sees how he shook her to wake her up and see the better plan He had for her life. Sometimes God is the “Mysterious Slugger”, making us tell the truth without knowing we could.

Give a child Life.

Give a child Life!

My sister-in-law, Bethany and her Aunt have recently got their webpage up and running. Check it out! Give a child life in a not-for-profit organization to bring about new life in a child. They sponsor children in lands that are hard for us to reach. You gifts will do much to help! Check out the link above and take a moment to educate yourself in this cause.

Home is where the ♥ Is.

What makes a home? Is it the structure that holds the walls togther? Could it be the people inside? I find that a home does not merely exist to house a group of related strangers, but rather to draw out explicit joy and laughter from each soul. A home does not have to be a structure with four walls and a roof. It does not have to have a display of dishes, linens, and books. A home is a place where one’s soul dwells. It is a place of depth and vulnerablility.

While walking in the woods one day I found a leaf lying in my path. It was as if God placed it there for my sole enjoyment. After picking it up and upon examination, I found the veins of that maple leaf spelled out my name. At that moment, I knew I was home. In the silence, I was smiling and laughing out of sheer joy for the simplest and strangest of things. Could it be that we have more than one home? Could it be that home is a feeling and not a place?

When I was a young girl, the old lady that lived next door took me out into her yard one day. She led me to the back yard that was covered in wild violets. After a few moments of enjoying the purple blanket that laid before us, she took my small hand into hers and bent down to the ground. With a small gardening shovel she dug up an enormous violet root. The old lady explained to me that a field of violets starts with just one root. The farther the violets spread the thicker the root becomes. She told me that I can go anywhere and do anything, but I will always have a home. My home will always be attached to me in some way. No matter how far I may run from it, I cannot hide from my home. It dwells in the center of me. My home is my soul. And where my soul is; there is my faith.

Christ is my home. He is what makes a home. Christ knows my depth and vulnerability. No matter where I go, Christ will always be with me and always be attached to me. I have no home without him. I am forever a gypsy prone to wander this earth. Christ saw me as an orphan and took me in to be his child, granting me rest and restoration in his arms.

We have a roof over our heads and family members that we never cease to love. We have displays of dishes, linens, and books. Sometimes artwork graces our walls and lamps our nightstands, but they will never carry us through. They will not understand us when we cannot speak. They will not hear us when we cry out. They will not save us. No matter how many kisses we receive as a child or intimate moments we share with our spouse, the only place we can call home is in Christ. With the door always open and with arms outstretched, we are always welcome. No matter how broken, bruised, or sick, the door of salvation never closes. The foundation of a home is the cross. Without a strong foundation, a home will crumble. In Christ, the foundation will not be shaken. It will live forever along side of Christ, in heaven- the ultimate home. What makes your home? Is it the books, and artwork, or the people inside, or is it your Savior?

Already There

“Even if your hands are shaking and your faith is broken… Even as the eyes are closing do it with a heart wide open… say what you need to say.”

Life is too short and too much of a blessing to let moments of hesitated breath pass us by. Too often, our minds get in the way of our hearts and we let precious words that need to be said pass us by. How often those words, seemingly superfluous, at the time were really the ones that would have changed a life. It is all hidden in the small, detaily things in life that we find a smile in the corner of our mouths. In the age of bug organization and big acheivements, we miss the small things in life that have the power to be big, if looked at closer.

In the movie The Last Samurai, Katsumoto says to Tom Cruise; “If one spent a whole life looking for the perfect cherry blossom, it would not be a wasted life.”  Who says that being a CEO of a company is what it is all about. Ask any CEO if they are tuly happy and then get back to me. What if we all tried to live life in the way God originally intended us to? What if we married young, started families, and enjoyed good food, good music, and good books. Would that not be enough? A life of love, compassion, and freedom from the bruising powers of the world sounds good to me.